What Does the Future
Hold for Me?

1 Jun 04

Ok, so you don't really know what the future will be like. Neither do I.

And it bothered me like hell and was really getting me down. But I read an extract from a book which says our biggest problem is not what we cannot do, but the attitude of helplessness which our circumstances cause us to inflict upon ourselves.

And if you think about it, it's kind of true.

I don't mean that if we arm ourselves with a positive attitude we will march on to victory. That's just plain stupid. But without feeling that we can march on to victory someday, we have already lost.

I'm beginning to realise that means in practice

I have to go on as if the plans I set for myself will work out.
They may not, but if I start off worrying about failure I will never make plans. I am going to assume that I will be able to do the job.

I have to make the plans that use my ability to its fullest.
None of this second rate stuff. I am pretty darned good at a lot of stuff and I am bipolar. It's my choice which one I choose to be defined by.

When some of my plans fail
And some will, in fact probably a lot will - well I'll just have to figure out the best course of action then. Not now. I may know that I will fail at some stuff, but I don't know which stuff I'll fail at. But you can be damned sure I am not going to feel guilty about failing if I tried my hardest.

I don't think my life ahead is going to be easy, and I don't think yours is going to be either. And heroism is hard to sustain on a day to day basis. All we can do is the best we can do. But we owe it to ourselves do the best we can do.

As to what you'll be like in the future. You'll be you. If you can lift the bipolar overlay and look at yourself and like the person, then you are doing just fine. And you'll do fine in the future. If you don't like what you see, you should bring it up with your psychiatrist or therapist.

Finally
Try to fix the problems being bipolar may have caused, but don't be too apologetic about it. People don't apologise for getting a heart attack.